Have you heard of shadow work? I won’t go into too much detail but it is a concept created by Carl Jung that there is a part of you that you are too fearful to show. The part of you that you are too embarrassed to accept so you push it away, but it is always there following you. Not in a sinister way, but a you can ignore me all you want but I’m not going anywhere way. (You can read more about shadow here.) The shadow is the root of many problems in a person’s life.

The way to deal with shadow is acknowledgment and acceptance. Wondering how to do that? To recognize what your shadow is and share it.

So let’s share.

Here is my deep dark shadow (one of them anyway). A part of me feels like I will never be enough, no matter what I do, to be accepted and loved.

Let me give you a little back story of why this shadow came to be.

I was so in love. Like madly, deeply, truly in love with a boy in high school. Let’s call him Christopher (name changed obviously, cuz that wouldn’t be cool). He was into me too, at least he acted like it for a short time. Our relationship was passionate and fun and perfect… until it ended… something I didn’t want.

My feelings for Christopher didn’t change at all. I didn’t change at all. I was still Alison, the skater/ska girl who loved music and art and stood out from the popular kids. So why didn’t Christopher want me anymore? Why wasn’t I enough for him? (You can’t make someone love you, I know that, but it was hard at 17 mkay.)

I tried to be enough. I was his friend, I hung out with him, did goofy things for him, shared my music finds, supported his endeavors, everything a girl could do I did.

He never came back to me.

You may be thinking this is a ridiculous story about a love-sick girl who was in no way mature enough to really be in love. You may be right, but that isn’t the point. The point is that this experience that lasted over a few years (you read that right, was in love with him for years… sweet or pathetic, you choose) left a mark.

It developed a shadow. Which is…

That no matter what I will never be good enough.

Right now that looks like not being a good enough photographer for you. Not good enough to be hired by you. Not good enough to be liked by you. Not good enough to be valued by you.

I’m not trying to be desperate, because truly I’m not. What I am is in a place of acceptance for this high school part of me that I have been too embarrassed to show. Not feeling good enough comes from a place of vulnerability.

Don’t we all feel vulnerable at times? Being an artist is an incredibly vulnerable thing to do. I am taking a piece of me, creating art and asking people to love it enough to support it monetarily. (Yup, hello vulnerability.)

Am I a good enough photographer to be hired to take your photos or teach you film? HELL’S YES I AM! (The proof is in the pudding.) But there is a part of me that doesn’t really believe it. I’m working to change that.

Truly, the most important person who needs to value me enough to attach a monetary value to my work IS ME. And for that to happen Carl Jung says to acknowledge and accept that insecure high school girl who wants to be loved for who she is.

So I’m sharing her with you. I’m not hiding her. I’m not making excuses for her. I’m not going to do anything but love her. Give her a big ‘ol mental hug and tell her that she really is good enough and always was.

Thanks for letting me share my shadow with you. If you feel prompted to share yours with me, I promise to be a safe space and not judge.

Hugs,

Alison

Sharing my Shadow | Alison Hatch PHoto

La Jolla Photographer | Eucalyptus Grove